If you would have asked me in a college what a "quarterlife crisis" was, I probably would have told you it's some crap that John Mayer made up to sell CDs. Yet, as I approach my 30s, I feel the anxiety and pull of getting older. Yes, I realize that 30 is not old - but as each year passes, the stranger it all is. I don't feel old. But a recent photo shoot for work turned up - gasp! - the beginnings of crow's feet! And bags under my eyes! Luckily, a kind retoucher made me look halfway decent, but still... I get carded less and less.
And aside from my vanity, there are days when my inner monologue is deafening.
There are career decisions.
Do I truly like the field I'm in? Do I see my future in it? Will I know when is the right time to look elsewhere? How will I know? Should I try something else just to see what it's like? Should we move to a bigger city? Smaller city? Should we move to the west coast to try it out? Am I happy living life in the midwest? Will I be forever? There are life decisions.
Should we be closer to family? How long will we stay in our house? Should we replace the windows? When should I start looking for a new car? Mortgage rates are lower now - should we refinance the house? What color should the master bedroom be? And there are family decisions. These are the hardest of all.
Do we want to have children? If so, when? I only have so much time... do I have time as it is with my schedule to have a family? What would I have to give up? Am I willing to do that? Will I have to work less to be happy with a family? Will I want to give up my job? Will I be okay with that? What does the husband think? Will our lives be full without being defined as "a family?"So is it a quarterlife crisis? No, not really. I would use the word "crisis" to describe anything. But it's hard, not because these are issues that no one else has to deal with, but because for a girl that craves black and white, the answers are in shades of gray.